


Because It Hurts Less With You Here (but i won't admit it)

by Phantomkinoc13



Category: BnHA, 僕のヒーローアカデミア | Boku no Hero Academia | My Hero Academia
Genre: A few other characters are mentioned - Freeform, Angst, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Ieda, M/M, Physical hurt/comfort, for plot, goddammit kacchan u can't train with a broken hand, kaminari - Freeform, kirishima - Freeform, meltdown time
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-21
Updated: 2019-08-21
Packaged: 2020-09-23 03:14:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,572
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20333116
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Phantomkinoc13/pseuds/Phantomkinoc13
Summary: as three months pass quickly and the provisional hero licence test comes around again, bakugo pushes himself a bit too much, but Deku is there to help him cope.





	Because It Hurts Less With You Here (but i won't admit it)

“Ehhh I didn’t pass?” Kaminari frowned at a sheet of paper showing his test results.  
“You’ll do better next time!” Kirishima gave a hopeful thumbs up, he hadn’t done so well either, if he was honest. They’d be stuck studying some late nights. They chatted, along with the girls, who were giggling over a board game at the corner table. Todoroki had long since gone upstairs to read his book in peace, and Bakugo stared at Midoriya over his phone as he wrote and muttered to himself about something involving flying side attacks, the noise in the room was just getting on his nerves. He couldn’t take it, finally standing up with a growl.  
“Oy! All of you. Shut up!”  
“Oh- baku-“ kirishima started  
“Shut up!” He shouted, “You’re all Pissing me off!” fists clenched, and headed angrily up the stairs, every footstep audible. Deku watched- he’d looked up from his notes to see Bakugo’s eyes shift over to him for a moment before he stormed up to his dorm room and slammed the door. Deku winced hearing the door slam from all the way downstairs.  
“What do you think that was about?”  
“Huh? He seemed normal.” There was a moment’s chatter about Bakugo, but it quickly returned to whatever they’d been doing before. Except for deku. Something was wrong. That he could clearly tell.. even though it was true he was often like that.  
“Ieda..uh.. I think i should.. go check..”  
“Huh? So you think that’s a good idea? The last time you had a talk with him you Fought and got in trouble!”  
“This time it’ll be different.”  
“He probably doesn’t want to talk” ochaco noted.  
“he’s just angry cuz he didn’t get the highest score on the test” Ashido remarked, looking up with a grin from her array of monopolies while the other girls sighed in agony. Still, it didn’t sit quite right with deku. Bakugo’s outbursts were usually more prompted. He did seem to have injured his hand a bit at their last training session.. it gnawed at him. He kept looking at the stairs, until 30 minutes later, Deku couldn’t take it. He left Ieda and the others, who were finishing up their games and getting ready to head up to their rooms, and went to find bakugo’s room. He made his way upstairs, past a few students brushing their teeth and yawning. He practically tiptoed, careful to approach bakugo’s room. He wouldn’t enter and he was sure the door was locked anyways, but he just had to check. Maybe Bakugo was just asleep..  
He approached quietly, standing outside and listening at the door for growls of anger, or the silence of sleep.  
“Dammit, dammit, dammit!” His anger was barely keep quiet. He heard the uncomfortably familiar sound of a fist slamming into wood. He gritted his teeth. It faded again for a moment. Then he heard a quieter sound  
“Ow.. fuck.. dammit..” there was a sigh. And- “ng- ah- dammit..” was he.. holding back tears?  
Deku sucked in a silent breath, holding it, and bracing himself- and knocked on the door. Just twice.  
“Go away! I don’t give a shit!” He tensed. And took a deep breath.  
“Kacchan?”  
“Eh?! Deku? I said go away and leave me alone!” But Midoriya couldn’t, because he heard the slight breaking of Bakugo’s voice as he spoke.  
“Sorry! I know you might not want to talk but I think I can-“  
“Go aw-ay!” Bakugo’s voice broke again.  
“Kacchan.. are you ok-“  
“I’m fine deku! Dammit, leave, you don’t need to help me.”  
“But if I can-“  
“I’m- fine. You’ll make other people notice!”  
“Kacchan.. please?”  
“Why? What’s wrong with you...?” His voice dropped. “Why do you want to come in so bad..?”  
“You sound upset-“  
“So?!” Deku gritted his teeth, Bakugo was stubborn.  
“So, I’ll be able to understand, you damn idiot!” There was a minute of tense silence between either side of the door, while others were just heading up to their rooms. Chatter still heard from downstairs. There was a little click, followed by muttering.  
“It’s unlocked okay, whatever.” Deku hesitated, giving a moment’s pause before he slowly opened the door, and stepped into Bakugo’s room. He was nervous, now that he was actually here. He swallowed hard and closed the door behind him.  
“Kacchan.” He said, looking at him, the worry working its way into his brow. “Are you okay?”  
“You already know the answer to that, idiot.” Bakugo grumbled. He had his eyes averted from deku, holding his injured right hand in his left on his lap. Deku bit his lip, then let it go, standing by the door still.  
“Did you even have a plan?” Bakugo hissed with irritation.  
“I..I wanted to make sure you were okay..or.. help..”  
“You just gonna stand by the door then? At least lock it again, jeez.” Bakugo crossed his arms, and winced. Deku knit his brow, and looked at his hand. Then came closer.  
“Kacchan, can I see your hand?”  
“Why?!”  
“Is it hurt?”  
“It’s fine!”  
“Just let me see it!”  
“You can’t fix it, there’s no point!” Deku sighed heavily. Bakugo was so damn frustrating. He set his jaw, Bakugo wouldn’t listen to an order, but asking wasn’t getting him anywhere. Instead, he showed him *his* hand. The scars across the joint, and closed his hand into a fist, his knuckles were slightly out of line.  
“If you don’t get it fixed it might be permanent..” he looked down at his hand “I would know.” He gulped slightly. Bakugo had a set, angry expression, but he knew that his clenched jaw and gritted teeth were the only thing holding back his tears. His chest tightened. He was doing it again- trying to press into other people’s business. He remembered todoroki pointing that out to him. Woops.  
“It won’t hurt to just let me see.. even if I can’t fix it.”  
“Idiot.. don’t you get it? You can’t fix anything! What makes you think you can make anything better!” Bakugo’s voice cracked and he gritted his teeth harder, looking down. Deku frowned, looking down at his feet. he was right. He couldn’t really make anything better. He didn’t even fully understand what Bakugo was upset about right now. But it was more than his hand, and training. He knew that.  
“But if you really thought that, you wouldn’t have opened the door, would you?” He said hesitantly.  
“Maybe I just opened the door so you’d shut up.” That was a blatant lie if Deku had ever heard one. He knew bakugo would never assume he’d shut up and go away.  
“I thought.. I might be able to understand..”  
“You’re still just standing there!” Bakugo shouted. He looked down at his knees, sitting on the bed. He felt his hand throbbing, his knuckles just tinged red. Deku came over, stood right in front of him. He reached for Bakugo’s hand- or his wrist rather, he resisted but then winced and let Deku take it, looking away. Deku recognized these injuries, this was bad. Much worse than Bakugo was showing.  
“Can you flatten your hand out?” Bakugo huffed but tried to, He suddenly winced again and closed his hand up. Deku took his wrist, and pressed into his hand with his thumb.  
“Ouch! Oy! Don’t do that!”  
“Kacchan, how long has it been like this?”  
“I dunno! Since training. It’ll be fine by tomorrow”  
“Hold this” he handed Bakugo his notebook. He grabbed it, made a sort of choking sound and dropped it.  
“Why’d you want me to-“ deku cut him off  
“You need to go to recovery girl.”  
“Eh? Why? Who are you to tell me wha-“  
“Kacchan, your hand is broken” Bakugo froze. His jaw tightened. He looked down again, holding his wrist with his other hand. He was quiet a moment, then growled, Tears filling his eyes faster than he could hold them back.  
“Dammit! I’m not strong enough. I’m still not strong enough- I can’t afford this shit!” His voice got louder. “I’m falling behind!” Deku looked taken aback, he felt his heart stop for a second when he yelled.  
“Kacchan, you can get it healed, and keep training and-“  
“That’s not it, deku, you don’t get it!” Deku narrowed his eyes, clenched a fist at his side.  
“Of course i get it! I’ve been trying to catch up with everyone else who has 10 years of practice!” He sighed. “Don’t you think I know how it feels?” Tears spilled over and dripped down bakugo’s cheeks. Deku could tell he was still trying to hold them back.  
“Dammit there’s only 2 weeks until the next provisional test and i’ve hardly improved.” He choked out angrily. He’d pushed out his shoulders, closing in on himself defensively, it was subtle but deku could see it.  
“You’re going to pass this time.” Bakugo burst.  
“What if I don’t?! Why am i not good enough” he tensed his shoulders, but it was no use as tears started streaming down his face.  
“Why can’t I do this?”  
“Kacchan”  
“Am I that weak or something?!”  
“Kacchan.”  
“I’m supposed to be the-“  
“Katsuki!” Bakugo stopped, tears still steadily falling, he blinked at Deku.  
“Eh?! You used my whole name?!”  
“You weren’t listening!” He watched bakugo’s jaw tremble slightly.  
“No. You’re not weak. Don’t you dare get it in your head that you’re going to lose!”  
“I can’t help it!” He practically shouted, trying to keep his voice low enough to not be overheard. He clenched his fists, created small explosions and smoke at his sides.  
“Then prove yourself wrong!” Deku snapped back. There was a pause.  
“We need to get you to recovery girl.”  
“Damn eraser head will catch us and make us clean again.”  
“No way! Your hand is broken. He’ll understand.” He insisted. Bakugo’s shoulders shook. *he’s trembling again* deku noted. He frowned.  
“I told you, you can’t make it better so why are you trying?”  
“I want to help you!  
“Why?! I’ve never been nice to you, even after I beat you down? but no matter what you want to help me?” He snapped. Deku got a look of determination in his eyes.  
“Yes.”  
“Gah-why?!”  
“Because for some reason I care about you, dammit!” Deku yelled. He took a deep breath. “I might not be able to fix it, but i can listen if you just want to talk” He said, more softly. He looked at the bed, considering sitting but hesitated, waiting to be invited. He didn’t think he would be.  
“I don’t need help deku.”  
“I didn’t say you needed help.”  
“It’s what you mean, though.” He bit back tears, and slammed a hand down on the bed, suddenly crying out. Worry flooded deku’s face, and he instinctively grabbed bakugo’s hand, holding him by the wrist.  
“Don’t make it worse.” He said softly. The pain stopped Bakugo from responding, while his breathing increased to cope, and the tears followed once more. Deku sighed softly, and held bakugo’s hand with both of his, sitting down on the bed next to him.  
“Hey, kacchan. You’re gonna be okay.”  
“You don’t know that! I have to be stronger! I will be. I have to be number one and I can’t just-“ he cut himself off, bringing his left hand upto his face.  
“This is fucking stupid.”  
“What is?”  
“There’s no point in me telling you all this.”  
“Does it make you feel better to say it, though? Instead of just thinking it?” He asked cautiously. It did. But Bakugo didn’t want to admit that. He didn’t want to admit that deku sitting there made him feel better. He didn’t want to admit that he still felt conflicted about whether he was better than deku still or not, and it made him angry. He didn’t want to admit that he’d pushed past him limit to much, and kept trying to train with a broken hand, his adrenaline covering the pain. He didn’t want to be seen as weak. But he felt like it. He’d sat in his room, trying to only be angry, and not sad, hoping maybe kirishima or someone would come by to check in, even if he just yelled at them to fuck off.  
“Shut up” he mumbled dully. His way of saying yes to deku’s question.  
“You’re amazing, you’ll do great this time. You know what to do. So you have an advantage, right?”  
“It could be different.” He hadn’t yanked his hand away from deku’s yet. He was holding his wrist steady, and it didn’t hurt too much like that.  
“I guess I didn’t think about that.” Deku admitted. “But I still think you’ll do fine.”  
“I have no other option but to do the best.” He remarked. Deku nodded. There was a pause again, before he finally noted that he hadn’t pulled away his hand.  
“I’m surprised. You didn’t hit my hand away this time.”  
“Only because it’s injured and that would be dumb!” He insisted, a faint blush of embarrassment crossing his cheeks. His tears had slowed a bit. But mostly due to him fighting them off. If he could bring himself to, he would cling to deku, with his head in his shoulder and sob about it. But he couldn’t- wouldn’t lower himself to that. Deku looked at him with so much kindness it frustrated him. How could he be so kind to him? When all he’d done was yell and scream and fight him. He had to keep his shoulders from trembling. Deku couldn’t see him falter. He had to prove he was stronger, better- but... Deku wished Bakugo would just let himself go for a moment. Maybe he wouldn’t be so angry if he just let himself feel things. But he knew how hard that was.  
“Deku”  
“Yeah, kacchan?”  
“You swear on your life you’ll never tell anyone else about this.”  
“Ah!- I promise. I swear. I’ll never tell anyone.”  
“Good.” He asserted.  
“Kacchan... do you want something?”  
“No! I just want to go to bed.”  
“But your hand-“  
“She can heal it tomorrow, right? It’s fine.”  
“It’s your dominant hand, yeah?”  
“So? I can eat breakfast with my left.” Deku sighed with mild annoyance.  
“Let me wrap it. It’ll keep it from hurting too much when you sleep.” he’s still crying he thought, looking at kacchan’s face. He’d started saying something about medical tape and ace bandages, suddenly he couldn’t stop himself, wanting to reach out and brush a tear away with his thumb. He smacked his hand away from his face.  
“I’m not helpless!” He croaked.  
“S-sorry! It was habit.. i-“  
“Whatever it’s fine. We already agreed no one will find out.” Bakugo sighed. Deku nodded, and let go of his hand.  
“I’ll get the bandages” he got up, looking in the drawers that Bakugo had mentioned, until he found the tape and the ace wrap. Bakugo was keeping stiff as possible to seem somewhat okay, while he waited for deku to come back over.  
“Okay.. give me your hand.” Bakugo held out his arm.  
“I have to wrap it with your hand open, and you better get it healed first thing tomorrow” deku said, clearly meaning it. He took bakugo’s wrist, and carefully coaxed him to open his hand, so he could wrap around his palm.  
“Ouch! That hurts.”  
“Well it’s broken, so it’s going to.”  
“Oy! Careful!”  
“I’m being careful, just calm down.” Deku wrapped the ace bandage tightly, but smoothly around his wrist, around his palm and the back of his hand, between his thumb and fingers, and secured it back around his wrist. Then he taped up the middle two fingers that looked in the worst shape. Bakugo continued to move, and whine. But he put up with it.  
“Okay, it’s done.”  
“It hurts like hell”  
“It’s gonna hurt until it’s healed, idiot” Deku remarked. “But it’ll be okay.” Bakugo had seemed to have stopped crying now. But he wasn’t sure he wouldn’t have another outburst.  
“Swear again.” Bakugo said.  
“What?”  
“That you’ll never tell anyone about this.”  
“Is it really that big of a deal?”  
“Swear!”  
“Okay. I swear. I do.”  
“Good.” He paused, looking down. “You can sit down.. again..” Deku sat. He looked at him. Then suddenly, it seemed, Bakugo reached for him. He flinched instinctively, but Bakugo grabbed his shoulder, and averted his eyes.  
“This is embarrassing.” He mumbled.  
“I’m not judging you.” His heart tightened. He didn’t wanna get decked for this. “You can just cry if you want” he waited for Bakugo to yell or lash out, but instead, he moved his hand from his shoulder. But deku knew what he wanted.  
“Do you want me to stay longer?” He asked. Bakugo nodded, silent. He moved a bit closer. He wanted to grab deku in a hug, and just hold onto him like a teddy bear, but.. what would deku do? It would fuck up His reputation.. but Deku swore he wouldn’t tell anyone. He reached for him again, careful of his right hand, and wrapped his arms around Deku’s shoulders, tightly, and pulled him closer, much to his shock and surprise. He couldn’t look at him, so he closed his eyes tight and shoved his head down on Deku’s shoulder. Waiting. Deku was startled. He didn’t expect to be hugged, or leaned on. Though he wouldn’t reject it. Ever. He felt his heart stop for a split second. Then, realizing, he wrapped his arms around Bakugo, grabbing at the fabric of his shirt a bit, and holding on tight. He felt Bakugo’s whole body trembling. Resisting against himself.  
“Kacchan... it’s okay.” He whispered next to his ear. He held tighter while he shook and let himself go. Eventually, Bakugo pulled away, and looked at him. He sighed softly and laid down on the bed, curling up, careful of his right hand. Which he’d been informed was broken. He tired himself out.. Deku thought. he took it as telling him he should leave now, getting up from the bed, and quietly heading for the door.  
“Where are you going?” Bakugo asked, rushed but quiet.  
“Don’t you want me to leave now?” He was confused.  
“No- i- uh- whatever.”  
“If you want me to stay that’s fine.. but i do have to sleep too.”  
“I know that dumbass” he rolled his eyes. Tired. “I won’t tell you to though” he didn’t know if deku knew what he meant.  
“Tell me to wh- oh.” Deku stuttered out “is-is that r-really okay?”  
“I just want to sleep. You can stay or go. I don’t care.”  
“Where would I stay?”  
“Damn Deku. Just get in bed or don’t I don’t control you.” He thought for a moment. He was already in pajamas after all so he climbed into bed with Bakugo, who casually (as casually as Bakugo could) slung his arm around deku to support his wrist. /he tired himself out/ deku thought. His heart was pounding too fast to fall asleep just yet, so he just quietly watched bakugo. He tried not to- not wanting to seem weird, but Bakugo seemed to have trouble sleeping. He kept shifting, and trying to adjust his arm.  
“Kacchan.. does it hurt?” Deku asked softly. Bakugo opened his eyes looking at him.  
“I can’t fucking sleep.”  
“I can leave if you want”  
“Idiot I don’t want you to leave, i want my hand to stop hurting.”  
“Well i’m not recovery girl I can’t kiss it better.”  
“S-shut up Deku.” He flushed a faint red.  
“I don’t think I can help you sleep. I’m kind of an insomniac”  
“Don’t you get that I just want you to be here” he grumbled, shoving his face into his pillow. Deku felt a small smile creep onto his face. Even though it sounded aggressive it was sweet. He moved closer. He was only 4 inches shorter, but he felt quite small in comparison laying there. He could just tuck his head under his chin and fit comfortably and Bakugo was like a radiator, heat just spread from his body. he had an arm around Deku, his broken hand resting on the pillow behind his head. Deku looked up at him. It was odd to him that Bakugo would want him to stay after that. He wasn’t fully asleep yet though. Deku let himself relax a bit, his hands brushing Bakugo’s chest, he pulled them back quickly, but he saw a little hint of a smile twitch onto Bakugo’s face, but it disappeared just as quickly.  
“Are you awake?” Deku whispered. He was met with a grunt of acknowledgement, which meant yes.  
“You still have a lot on your mind, don’t you?”  
“Deku, do you.. think about your failures when you try to sleep?”  
“Yes.”  
“I can’t let down all might.”  
“You won’t.” He sighed softly. “It’s okay. I’m sure you’ll win.”  
Bakugo let himself inch closer, letting Deku tuck his head under his chin. His hair was fluffy and soft. And he was comfortably warm.  
“Do you miss living at home?” He asked Deku.  
“Yeah. Sometimes. But it’s okay.”  
“I don’t miss it.” He said. Then he didn’t say anymore. His hand ached against the pillow. In the morning.. He when his heartbeat slowed and his breathing became steadier, matching Deku’s he sunk into sleep, and deku found himself being lulled to sleep easier than most nights, close beside him, still wishing that Bakugo would take care of himself.


End file.
